Wow its been a long time since I posted anything. I have some good excuses though. We moved house to a nicer place with wood heat instead of electric which sucks your bank balance dry each month, we got a new ISP and I was off while I waited for the DSL package to get here...and found the computer in the maze of boxes that was my living room...plus my wife has been around and I cant really post things about her, us and everything else with her home can I?

Ok so whats going on...I had to cancel my appointment with my family doc...I will have to reschedule. Need to find out from him if I ever had anything that would have been enough to make him say "I think you might have MS". If not then I am going to talk to a lawyer and sue NN's butt off.

Nothing has changed with my wife and I. I was kind of hoping that this could be a fresh start for us but really nothing changed at all. Maybe in time, once we have split, she might come to realise that I was actually willing to work on things and make them better. She seems to be content to simply make do and plod along day to day. Sounds fine in theory but you only get one life to live and I need more than that. Call me selfish but personally I think I have earned that right...and if you don't agree well nuts to you LOL.

Jobs - well I should be supply teaching for the local high schools fairly soon. I am also applying for good jobs in England. I would really love to get home...especially because it is winter here and the snow is starting to fly. People complain about British weather but right now I'd take the rain any day over this sludge...uck!

Have post-poned my trip to England until January..am very slowly starting to seperate our finances..basically just making what is mine..mine as opposed to ours...I guess in my mind we are already over. Thing is she doesn't seem to care. It's all very depressing but then the MS thing really opened my eyes...if she isn't there for me through something like that..and in truth it seemed like she could have cared less (she went on vacation for God's sake), then she is not there for me at all. What's almost funny is that she doesn't seem to realise the implications of what she is doing...its all far too screwed up.

So now that I have the MS scare out of my head for a while I can concentrate on the other mess in my life...my marriage. Those who have read the earliest posts will have a rough idea of what is going on and those who haven't should, otherwise your 30second blogexplosion visit is going to be very confusing.

Wife got back fro city of Farfaraway and nothing seems to have changed. We got into it that night, I told her again that I wanted things to improve or to end and bizarrely enough she doesn't seem to care. I would have thought that a person might be insulted by the ultimatum but once you move beyond that you need to decide what you are going to do. She was picked up and driven home from the airport by this guy she is always calling and I rather suspect that's where she is now also. We got a new dog and she wanted to take him to the park but yet she waited until 330pm which is 30mins before "Steve" gets off work. She also called "steve" earlier while I was out and he called back and hung-up when I answered the phone. In addition she insists on taking the dog alone...Its really kind of pathetic.

I truly wish she would just be honest and tell me the truth. If she wants out then simply tell me...I will get over it. At this point it is the deception that hurts more than whatever she might be doing with this guy...Its been going on too long. In my more paranoid moments I have even considered hiring a P.I to follow her.

We had a conversation before she left with the dog. I told her that if nothing is going on between her and "steve" then there is no need for her or he to hide. If he wants to call then go ahead...if she wants to call him then go ahead. From the start the thing that has bothered me more than anything else is the fact that she feels the need to hide this. After all, if its all innocent then there is nothing to hide is there? I would really appreciate someone reading the first post I ever made and then commenting on this...am I just being a jealous paranoid jerk?

Is Rice REALLY that boring???

Nasty Neurologist may soon have an excuse to be in an even nastier mood. I called the college of phsyicians to find out if him telling me I might have MS (with no symptoms??!?!?) was a little out there. They advised me that he has to send a report back to my family doctor. Am going to make an appointment and go talk to him...if he says its as messed up as I think it is then I am going to go find a lawyer.

Much as I hate to turn this into a political blog I am still in shock, disgusted and appalled that Dubya managed to get re-elected. More than his truly TERRIBLE foreign policy stance, he is just embarrassing to watch. If you have ever watched Mr Bean and had to cringe at some of the situations then you know what I am talking about. Bush in a press conference makes me want to crawl into a hole in the ground. I feel truly sorry for his communications office those guys must need daily therapy!

well got my name back on the postings, still no back button on the archives or comments and I STILL can't get these stupid graphics to load. Serves me right for thinking I was so clever going out and finding a template...downloading it was so easy too and the rest was fairly easy as well. Little did the designer know he would be catering to morons... aka me. Grrr...if anyone is feeling generous pls email me and help me out with this mess? I'm not above begging :D

Ok so as you can all see I have made some changes to the site. I thought that the blogger template was a little dull and I seem to have made a right pigs-ear of it. So I am begging and grovelling for anyone who knows anything about html to send me an email here. I can't get the header to work (and yes I uploaded the images to a server) and I seem to have 10'000 little bugs. So if you have a spare 30mins PLEASE email me!!! :D

So I just got back from my delightful visit with NN (nasty neurologist). After sitting there for15mins waiting for him to show up and then another 5mins waiting for him to finish doing whatever it is he is doing in his office, he finally calls me in. He then proceeds to beat around the bush for the next five mins asking me questions he already knows the answers to, asking me to describe things I have already described. The whole time I am sitting there silently screaming "will you PLEASE get to the freaking point and tell me if I have this or not? Then he tells me and wow...relief. I do not have MS and there no change to the lesion on my brain since the last MRI. He hums and hah's a bit more..we do some pointless reflex tests and while he is filling out paper-work I ask why he thought it might be MS in the first place. Well..says he, usually strokes are something that happens to older people. Plus in your case you has the loss of sense of smell. Now hold on just a minute...I had a stroke to the brain-stem with a 10% chance of survival. I was given clot busting drugs to restore the bloodflow and I somehow managed to survive with little or no after-effects. I am sure there is a ton of material in my medical records detailing this. I was sent to this guy because I was having headaches again which turned out to be a sinus infection but that was resolved beforeI ever saw him. So when I showed up in his office the first time I was symptom free...nothing wrong with me except I had lost my sense of smell. And its on THIS basis that he tells me he thinks I might have MS????? I go through four months of waiting for an MRI and another three weeks of waiting for the results over nothing???? I'm pissed! I went through hell reading every website I could find, researching, learning, worrying about my future. My thesis has sat untouched for the longest time because I couldn't think of anything else. And the only reason he thought it might be MS in the first place was that strokes usually happen to older people???? Now he IS a Neurologist so I am going to give him some leeway here but seriously guys if its just a slight suspicion with a tiny chance did you REALLY have to tell me? Why not simply say I think we should do another MRI just to check on the lesions on your brain? Why put me through that hell when I hadn't even exhibited a symptom? Of course he IS a Neurologist so when I was reading the MS sites and things didn't make sense to me I chalked it up to him knowing more about this than me. But now I am not so sure...what was he thinking??? I am seriously considering talking to a lawyer and the college of physicians and surgeons. Hypocrates said "first, do no harm." Well putting someone through hell for four and a half months because you can't keep your mouth shut...is bloody well doing harm! Anyway...enough fuming...its good news. Now I just need to figure out what I am going to do about my wife. If you are not up to speed on that then read the early posts on here. Anyway guys...time to get some coffee...maybe I'll fume some more later. Happy blogging.

I just wanted to say a big thanks to the anonymous person who decided to tell me I am retarded. I think it speaks volumes towards their character and intellect that they decided not to leave a name.Now why is that? I mean its not like I could track him/her down anyway and really why would I want to? I have more important things to worry about don't you think? So what we basically have is someone without the guts to put a name to their comment, but yet someone who is arrogant enough to think I would waste my time doing so...make the mind spin doesn't it?

OK so tomorrow is D-Day. Diagnosis day. I have an 8:15am appointment at the Neurologist (assuming he shows up on time - don't hold your breath folks) and hopefully he will have something concrete to say from the MRI results. That's all I am going to say about my on-going MS scare because frankly I'm terrified and also because I think this blog is getting kind of depressing.

Instead I am going to go on a good old-fashioned rant. I signed up for Blogexplosion, love it, love the concept, if you haven't signed up yet then sign up...there's a link down on the left somewhere. The basis is that if you surf through other members blogs then you earn credits which in turn sends surfers to you. Wonderful, and I have even run across some blogs which are good fun to read. But then there are these business blogs...wtf is this? I mean ok fine if you want to blog then go ahead I don't care but if your blog is basically a website on small business management or advertising or whatever then why bother making it into a blog? For that matter does it even count as a blog? Isn't it just a website with regular updates? Gotta tell you I'm enjoying surfing for credits at BE but when I get to one of your sites I don't even bother reading I wait the 30 seconds and I am GONE. Maybe that makes me a bit of a jerk but hey..tomorrow I find out if I have an incurable brain disease so what are you going to do? I win :P

Have decided that I truly love reading people's blogs. Have been online a long time and have used just about every chat program out there but blogs open a window to the soul. Someone once said that people are stupid. I have to agree, as a group we are stupid, greedy, impetuous and generally not nice to be around. The same can be said of how we present ourselves on chat programs. On blogs however we let ourselves be known, our fears, hopes, ambitions and dreams. Its the difference between talking to someone drunk in a bar or spending an afternoon walking on the beach with someone. Of course it might be easier if we all got off the net and simply talked to one another but hey...I didn't make the world I just try to live in it.

So I got an email last night from the nice folks at Blogexplosion, which by the way has turned out to be a truly excellent program. Apparently the Trafficswarm links box I had added was causing "adult" pop-ups once you exited my blog. You will notice it is now gone.I really don't understand pop-ups. Has anyone EVER gotten a pop-up and read it, liked what they saw and bought the product? I mean really, they are just annoying and counter-productive. Anyway Trafficswarm now has a big thumbs down from me.